Hokay so...

I've been feeling very "unmotivated" lately; even browsing deviantart for amazing pictures and inspiring photographers has not helped get me going.

Last semester at the academy was my first time actually taking photography classes (which is my major), and I soon discovered photography wasn't just about point and click. I learned so much about the camera last semester, it was completely overwhelming... in other words: it totally stripped me of everything I loved about taking pictures. I used to just do it so effortlessly, and I got ok results, they weren't fantastic photos, but the point was I was having a ball doing it. I just don't feel that passion anymore. :le sigh:

Everything is so technical now. I feel if I make one mistake my photo is going to be an utter disaster (that's the OCD part of me talking). But I just can't bring myself to apply what I've been learning... there's this fear in me I can't get over. I know, I know; when it comes down to it, I'm basically just whining about putting more time and work into my photography than I previously had. I just have to suck it up and do it, even if I know the first time the pictures are going to fail horribly. I really need to get over my fear of failing. Being with my father for half of my life hasn't helped. But I need to learn... I need to make mistakes and learn. That's the best part, because I love learning, I'm just afraid I'm going to lose myself somewhere in between.

So, I started writing this journal entry because I wanted to get something off my chest, but in the end I actually discovered what the problem was (ya gotta love writing). Now I just have to bring myself to decided whether photography is still just as important to me than it was before I was faced with the fear of failing.

Ugh, I always hate it when I figure something out. Then I have to do it. God, I'm lazy.